Search for AkuAku
by pineapplefarmer
Summary: When Hollywood stars kidnapp AkuAku the only thing Crash can do is go on an adventure. Please R
1. Agent Bandicoot

As you know I don't own Crash. This is my first story, so go easy on me. Here it goes:  
  
One hot day Crash Bandicoot was sitting on a log at the side of his house. He was chowing down on his favourite food, Wumpa fruits and he was thinking of the good old days...  
  
...1996, when both the square and circle buttons were used for the spin attack.  
  
Crash: sigh good times  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere:  
  
Coco: Crash, Crash there are two guys at the front door.  
  
When Crash arrived at the front door he saw two guys dressed in spiffy tuxedos.  
  
Crash: Can I help you?  
  
Man#1: Hello, I am agent K, this is agent J, and we have been informed that strange things have been happening in here.  
  
Crash: hahahahahaha! You thing you're so funny? Your name isn't J and you aren't K. You're Will Smith and You're Tommy Lee Jones.  
  
Man#2: That isn't important, we are looking for this.  
  
He held out a picture of Aku Aku  
  
Crash: Oh, Aku? He's probably trying on his new bikini or having a bubble bath.  
  
Just then Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones pushed Crash and Coco out of the way and ran upstairs. When they got down, they had Aku Aku in a cage, and he looked drugged.  
  
Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith: Up Up and AWAY!!!!  
  
The two Hollywood actors jumped up and flew away, like Superman.  
  
Crash: Nooooooooo!!!!  
  
Coco: So do you still wan to order that pizza?  
  
Tune in next time kiddies and find out if Crash and Coco make it to Aku Aku. Look out for some Crash-tacular guest stars. 


	2. Mindless Banter

Chapter 2- Mindless Conversation  
  
Crash- sob sob, boo-hoo Aku-Aku I miss you  
  
Coco: hmm, that's not the Bandicoot I fell in love with  
  
Crash: love? I'm your brother!!  
  
Coco: Uh haha, uhhh yeah... I was, er only um joking?  
  
Crash: Ok, I'm gonna forget you said that and you're gonna help me save Aku.  
  
Coco: We might need more help though  
  
Crash: I've got it! Someone so evil and crazy that he will kill anyone who gets in his way!!  
  
Coco: Cortex? Gin?  
  
Crash: No, the most under-rated of foes: Pinstripe Poteroo.  
  
Coco: Who now?  
  
Crash: You know he was in the first Crash Bandicoot game, back when we were owned by Naughty Dog.  
  
Coco: and back when I hadn't been introduced yet?  
  
Crash: But wasn't he in CTR??  
  
Coco: Lets just go, who knows what those Hollywood hotties could be doing to Aku.  
  
Crash: Hotties? I knew you were in love with Will Smith!  
  
Coco: Smith, I lvoe Jones!  
  
Crash: Oh, so you go for the older men, cause I could hook you up with Harrison Ford.  
  
The Guy from the movie trailers: Will Crash ever Shut Up? Will Coco ever date Harison Ford? Will the next chapter be better than this piece of nonsense? Tune in next time to find out!!!! 


	3. Voices From Above

Chapter 3-Voices from above  
  
So a long time ago in a galzy far far away Naboo was under an attack, but that's a different story. If you want that one go rent Star Wars- The Phantom Menace (its really not as good as the others). Right so somewhere in the desert of... uhhh lets say Nabraska? Crash and Coco sleep (because its 1 am).  
  
Crash: snore, snore, snore  
  
BANG! BANG!  
  
Coco: What was that??  
  
Crash Go back to sleep, I had Mexican beans for lunch  
  
Coco: right  
  
THE NEXT MORNING  
  
Crash: ah, what a good sleep I had, how about you?  
  
Coco: so so, could have done without your smell  
  
Crash: I'll keep that in mind  
  
Just then the clouds took the form of a lion and said: SIMBA!!!!  
  
Coco: Wrong story, check out The Lion King.  
  
Crash: Anyone up there for me?  
  
The clouds then took the form of a fuzzy orange creature  
  
Crash: Its you! I hate you!  
  
Clouds: It is me Daxter!  
  
Crash: You stole Naughty Dog from us  
  
Coco: You don't know how much pain you have put us through  
  
Daxter: Don't blame me, blame Andy Gavin, Jason Rubin, Dave Baggett and the rest of Naughty Dog. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
TWO VERY STUPID WEEKS LATER  
  
Crash: Well we made it to the Pinstripe house.  
  
They stood in front of a small quiet garden home with a welcome mat and a hearts sticker that said "The Poteroos" sticking right on the screen door. What could this mean?  
  
So how you like so far? Review please give comments 


	4. Inside the House

Well, here it is my new chapter, not like anyone cares because I'm still unknown, and I still don't own Crash for those wondering  
  
Chapter-4 Inside the House  
  
Crash: Are you ready?  
  
Coco: knock away  
  
Crash knocks on the big wooden door  
  
The doorknob turned and there in a cool red t-shirt and calming blue jeans stood someone who looked like Pinstripe only nicer.  
  
Crash: Are you Pinstripe Poteroo  
  
Pinstripe: That'd be me, who are y... ...Crash! WOW! What a surprise! I haven't seen you in ages!  
  
Pinstripe took a step closer  
  
Crash: No, don't blow my brains out!  
  
Pinstripe: I was gonna give you a big ol' hug, cause I love you and everyone on this big ol' planet! Mary, guess who's here, Crash Bandicoot.  
  
Coco: Mary?  
  
Crash: I don't know  
  
Pinstripe: Please come in  
  
So now in the Poteroos dining room sat the two Poteroos and the Bandicoots.  
  
Pinstripe: Ever since you beat me up, I've wanted to say I was sorry for trying to kill you.  
  
Mary: He's a changed man  
  
Unknown voice: Mommy? Daddy? Who was that a da dooooooor?  
  
Pinstripe: Oh, heloo my fuzzy witle woogie-boogie snookms wookms! Goo-goo ga-ga-ga-ga-goo.  
  
Crash (whisper) I don't think he's what we are looking for.  
  
Coco: (whisper) lets get out of here Crash: (whisper) how?  
  
Coco: (In an extremely loud voice) OH MY GOD! LOOK ITS CORTEX AND UKA UKA!!!!!!  
  
Every Poteroo turned its head while Crash and Coco leaped out of the building.  
  
Crash: Wow, hes changed  
  
But suddenly from inside the house they could here:  
  
Pinstripe: She lied, I'll kill her, where is my gun???!!!???!!!  
  
Mary: Sweety, don't  
  
Pinstripe: Shut up! I'm gonna make you an offer.  
  
Mary: Can I refuse this so called offer that you speak of?  
  
Pinstripe: NO! It's an offer you can't refuse. You sit in the corner and I'll give you this nice shiny penny I found in the drain! HAHAHAHAHA! I am the master of evil!!!!! WHERE IS SHE?!?!?!?!?  
  
Coco: Run  
  
Crash: We don't have to  
  
Just then Crash's Motorbike flew from the sky  
  
Coco: Where did this come from?  
  
Daxter: Just my way of sayin' sorry?  
  
Crash: Hop on!  
  
Will the bike be fast enough? Will Pinstripe hurt somebody? It's all here on Pokemon. I mean Crash Bandicoot. (Stupid Stupid)  
  
Sooooo, to make my story longer I will add this pointless poopoo. Do you like it please review, SOMEONE! The next chapta come soon! 


	5. Dilemphant

Hi, welcome back one and all, big and small, short and tall to the search for Aku Aku. Last time we saw our heroes they were trying to escape from Mr. Mobster himself: Pinstripe! Here they are speeding down the road on Crash's motorbike on a dark and cloudy night.  
  
Crash: Coco, you OK?  
  
Coco: I'm all right, why?  
  
Crash: Look behind you.  
  
Up drove Pinstripe in a two-piece cherry bikini from the deep-sea rose collection.  
  
Pinstripe: WHAT?? I'm riding my insanely evil mobster bike (as seen in games such as: Freakstyle and Excitebike). Excitebike, remember that game? It was so funny and 2-D; I love it. I wanna go and play it. But anyway what were you thinking insulting me like that, you stupid author or pineapplefarmer? If that is your real name!  
  
Pineapplefarmer: Sorry, I was reading the swimsuit issue.  
  
Pinstripe: Oh, OK. Oh no, look now they've got away!!  
  
Pineapplefarmer: You've got bigger problems.  
  
Pinstripe: Like what?  
  
Pineapplefarmer: Look behind you.  
  
Back at Pinstripe's house stood Mary, she was very angry and was screaming: I want a divorce.  
  
Pinstripe: Ah, Mary come on I can change, again. How about we sit down and play Excitebike (I hope she says yes, I love that game).  
  
And now we need not worry about Pinstripe, but where have Crash and Coco gone to? Lets find out:  
  
Crash: Well, that was a close one.  
  
Coco: Thanks to the writer it was no problem.  
  
They drove down that same road for what seemed to be forever. But the night just wouldn't end.  
  
Crash: It's really hard to see where I'm going.  
  
And then it was morning. Crash: Oh, that's better.  
  
They drove until they came to an old-looking restaurant. A big crooked sign said Papu's. Two of the front windows were smashed and the brown paint seemed to be coming off, revealing an ugly white wall.  
  
Coco: Oh, I'm starving lets go see if they're open, and we can ask for directions to Hollywood!  
  
Crash: Good idea!  
  
They walked it the front door (which had a big hole right in the middle) and up to the main counter. There stood a big man. He was wearing overalls (blue overalls) that showed off his fat belly. He had a nametag that said Dilemphant and he was missing three teeth in the front. He was examining his feet, his jet-black feet, and his hair was long and greasy.  
  
Crash: Uh, Mr. Dilemphant we would like two breakfast specials please.  
  
Dilemphant responded in a very deep and manly and oh so sexy and tender voice, I just want to...  
  
...Sorry my sister stole the computer from me, where was I  
  
Dilemphant: Yeah (picks his ear) that'll be $10, 25 (picks his nose, wipes it in his dirty hair).  
  
Crash handed him the money and said: also can you tell me how to get to Hollywood.  
  
Dilemphant seemed sad; he started to cry  
  
Dilemphant: No, not Hollywood.  
  
Crash: What's wrong?  
  
Dilemphant: Hollywood stars kidnapped my brother Papu Papu!  
  
Crash: Hollywood stars kidnapped my best friend!  
  
Dilemphant: I know a quick way to get there, come to the back room with me.  
  
He walked to the back of the restaurant and opened a sliding door to reveal a blue and silver room, with lights flashing everywhere and beakers wherever you looked. There was an alien in a jar in the right-hand corner and a time portal in the middle. Dilemphant pushed Crash in the portal and said save Papu, if you can. The room disappeared and everything turned white. Crash fell to his knees; he was now face to face with Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones.  
  
So please review please!!!!! Someone! There is one more chapter to come, yes only one. Are you sad? Or Happy? Well, it won't be long now before I add the new chapter. So you won't have to wait long!!!!! 


	6. The Last CHAPTER!

Last time we saw a new face (and his belly) named Dilemphant. Crash is now face to face with the two Hollywood hunks. PS: This would be the last chapter.  
  
Crash looked around everywhere to try to find Aku-Aku. He was still on his bleeding knees. He seemed to be in a very dark space-like room. Lights were flashing everywhere. He looked out the window and realized that HE WAS IN SPACE, CORTEX'S SPACE STATION!!!! He looked at Will Smith and at Tommy Lee Jones and screamed: WHERE IS AKU-AKU????  
  
A very familiar voice said: They can't talk; they are being controlled.  
  
Crash: UKA UKA!!! Why am I in Space and not Hollywood.  
  
Uka-Uka: Because I control Hollywood, Pepsi, The Toronto Blue Jays, and Paul Martin's head!! HAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Crash: Where is Aku?  
  
Uka-Uka: Right here!  
  
A cage fell from the ceiling and landed on the ground.  
  
Crash: AKU!!!!  
  
Aku-Aku: Don't worry about me, run!  
  
Crash: NO! Uka-Uka, I've defeated you before and I can do it again!  
  
Uka-Uka: This time we have a secret weapon!  
  
Crash: Shut up, you have a secret weapon every time!  
  
Uka-Uka: Cortex!!!  
  
A door in the back of the Space Station opened up, and there stood Cortex in sunglasses and extremely puffy lime-green pants, and he was rapping, Vanilla Ice rapping!  
  
Cortex: If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it  
  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it  
  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla!  
  
Crash: NOOOOOOOO! Rap, noooooo how did you knooooooow!  
  
Crash started to shake he fell flat on his face, he was trembling he was about to die; he shook with weakness. He looked to the side of him and noticed that he was shedding his fur. He grabbed two orange clumps and said: I've got it!  
  
He shoved the orange clumps in his ears! The sound was quiet; he could barely hear Cortex!  
  
Cortex: Quick to the point, to the point no faking, I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon  
  
Crash jumped up ran over, spun Will And Tommy, ducked under Uka-Uka, spun the cage open grabbed Aku-Aku and ran back, desperately searching for an exit!  
  
A loud zapping noise came from behind them, Crash turned around and saw Dilemphant flying at them, Crash ducked and Dilemphant flew over them knocking over Will, Tommy, Uka-Uka and Vanilla-Cortex.  
  
Crash: Uh, thanks Mr. Dilemphant. I couldn't find Papu Papu; I don't think he's here. You might want to check the Toronto Blue Jays arena or Paul Martin's office though.  
  
Dilemphant: That's OK, so how do we get out of here?  
  
Crash: I thought you knew.  
  
Dilemphant's face went bright red; he started to cry. He also started jumping up and down screaming: Why am I so stupid, the travelling machine was the only thing I've ever done right. WHY? WHY? WHY?  
  
The ground was cracking; the Space Station was shaking. It couldn't take Dilemphant's weight any longer. The floor shattered. Crash and Dilemphant fell into space. They couldn't breathe. Crash passed out, then Dilemphant did to.  
  
THE NEXT MORNING  
  
Crash woke up in his bed, had it all been a dream? He got up, went to the kitchen and there was Coco making pancakes. He went into the backward and Aku-Aku was modeling his new bra/panties set for...  
  
...Dilemphant! It wasn't a dream!  
  
Crash: How did you save us? How come I'm still alive? Why are you wearing women's clothing?  
  
Aku-Aku: Did I save you or did you save yourself?  
  
Crash: What?  
  
Aku-Aku: I was in the Space Station, trying to find a decent pair of shoes, like oh my gosh! Cortex is sooooo out of style and the I noticed what kind of makeup was Uka-Uka wearing anyway, like pshhhaawww...  
  
Crash: Sometimes I wish I would have left you.  
  
(Laugh track goes off)  
  
(credits role, while catchy songs play in the background)  
  
Soooo, how did you like my work of art? Review now please and I will be forever grateful.  
  
THE END!  
  
Pinstripe: I did get a divorce but I got to keep my Nes and Excitebike! But I don't have a TV to play it on, or a house for that matter.  
  
I SAID THE END  
  
Pinstripe: Can somebody give me some money! I'll give you Excitebike! No I could never give Excitebike up. Excitebike is my only love! I love you Excitebike! Ahhh, somebody wants to be tickled, cooocheeecooocheeecoooo.  
  
The End for good now (shoots Pinstripe) 


End file.
